oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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