Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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