Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize