I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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