Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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