Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
