So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
