sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
