Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
do nipples grow back?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
