Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
