carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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