You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
