she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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