I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
