CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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