I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
