Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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