he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Drake has all the answers
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
