i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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