saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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