just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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