I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize