dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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