How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
