Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
