i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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