Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
