You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
