Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize