I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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