i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
