**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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