I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
