If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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