i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
