just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
