the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
