got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
