i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
