were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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