sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
