So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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