if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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