did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
