I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
