Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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