I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
