I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
