needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
