I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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