I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
