Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize