I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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