im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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