Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
