Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
