I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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