There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
