my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
