Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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