maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize