my phone needs a breathalizer
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
