I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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