clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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