Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
