Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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