We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
