In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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